Monday Morning Meeting: A Survival Story

There are exactly two types of people in a Monday morning meeting: those who are “so excited to kick off the week” and those who are physically present but spiritually still in bed.

The Monday Meeting Bingo Card:

• Someone’s camera is off and they’re “having technical difficulties” (they are in pajamas)
• The phrase “let’s circle back” is used at least four times
• One person shares their weekend adventure while everyone else silently seethes with jealousy
• Someone unmutes just to say “sorry, I was on mute” — contributing nothing further
• The meeting that could have been an email lasts exactly 47 minutes longer than necessary
• A person joins 15 minutes late with “sorry, my other meeting ran over” — they were making toast

The Four Faces of Monday Morning:

1. The Overachiever — Already on their third coffee, color-coded agenda printed, enthusiasm cranked to eleven. Nobody trusts this person.
2. The Ghost — Camera off, mic muted, status set to “in a meeting.” Could be asleep. Could have left the country. Schrodinger’s employee.
3. The Hostage — Camera on, eyes dead, background carefully curated to hide the mountain of weekend dishes behind them.
4. The Narrator — Types “great point!” in the chat after everything anyone says. Has never had an original thought during a meeting but has excellent typing speed.

The real winner of every Monday meeting is the person who scheduled it — they get to watch everyone else suffer while feeling productive. It’s a power move disguised as collaboration.

Monday meetings: proof that the weekend was just a hallucination.